I must stop

Please DO NOT comment on this post, even as I'm typing this, I'm struggling to think about how to formulate this post so I wont sound like a freak.

I think I'm overly obessed with my pimples :( I had them in sec 2, probably alot worse. I cannot remember how I felt like back then, but I do know it not hit me this hard. It got tons better in sec 3, I was really relieved, I thought my hormones have finally stabilised, or Ive gotten over that horrible puberty stage... But no. I cannot believe after 1 1/2 years of happiness, it came back again, as ugly as before. I feel... DAMN FUCKED UP ZZ.

Believe it or not, it's stressing me out alot more than the upcoming tests do. You may not be able to tell yet (soon you will), it's affecting my self esteem like hell, soon I'll be hiding in a corner and refusing to talk to anyone else. I'm already starting to get quieter so that I can draw less attention to myself. I cant even bear to look at the mirror cuz.. Yep low self esteem. (SERIOUSLY. It is THAT bad, looking in the mirror makes me feel like shit, which is also why there has been a drastic decrease in photos.)

Particularly fucked up cuz very few things can make me feel bad about myself and almost NOTHING pulls down my self esteem, this has to be a first x. Y'know it's so bad that somedays I wanna go out, but after changing, I'll suddenly realise that my pimples look kinda bad today. So I'll just change back and refuse to go out, choosing to instead sit at home and mope (which is why Ive been home so many sundays already). I ve tried a hell shit loads of medicines and weird stuff doctors've been prescribing me, until the last one told me if everything didnt work, it was probably due to genetics or my hormones, and dont worry, it will eventually blow over.

WTF I dont have time to wait for it to blow over. Hahaha and instead of teeth, these days I've been observing faces when I have the time. After doing so for the past few days, I can conclude that I am offically the only girl who suffers from pimples ZZZZ. Majority of the girls in RV have got very very pretty smooth faces, FML!!! So please be more sensitive okay, dont crack pimple/face jokes with me if you dont want me to feel damn shitty inside, it's not gonna make me feel better, it's gonna make me feel alot worse.

I cant do anything now but listen to the last doctor and hope malicious gossips dont reach my ears tut. I really fucking hate my hormones/genes or pimple creating face machine, whatever -'- I think I am at a really low point in my life right now, I feel so bad I dont even feel like studying for chem.

P/s: Dont tell me it isnt that bad, I do know what I'm dealing with -.-

P/p/s: Some people may not get this post, may feel that I'm way too sensitive or even a freak for feeling so depressed over nothing but a bunch of pimples. You have no idea cuz you are obviously one of the smooth faced girls, you dont understand.

P/p/p/s: If you can relate/are going through the same thing right now (you are obviously not from rv), good luck cuz you and me are gonna turn into emo girls soon.

xxxx. Dont comment or this will be the last post you'll ever see. Once I lock my blog, I wont unlock it ever again. Dont even have the heart to wear contacts tomorrow.. What's the point, I'll look as bad anyway. fml x1000.

I hope I can look back at all these one day and laugh at myself for being so stupid back then. Or envy at myself for having nothing more than pimples to worry about. I should be grateful that I have two eyes, a nose and a mouth, instead of complaining about my face, BUT I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO DO IT ZZ. Thank god I cant slash myself cuz I'll just look alot more horrible than I already am. Wlao, pimples + braces, gg I'm like the max nerdiest teenager you can ever find now. Eh if you wanna feel good, just compare yourself to me and you will feel great after that :) Just remember not to tell me LOL. Sorry if this post was way too emo!! It came from really deep down and I just wanted to pour my frustrations out cuz it's really driving me over the edge!!! There I go again...

Better end here X. Peace