I suffered my first mental breakdown

Dont even know how it happened.

It used to be me, hugging crying people/ comforting others and telling them to chill and that it's gunna be over soon. I was okay one moment and crying the next. I feel so fucking tired, mentally, physically. Some people may be able to cope but I dont think I'm gonna be able to last much longer. Fuck I hate being so fucking stupid and constantly tired. I hate studying every single waking moment. One month... One month is too much.

It's fucking hell that's what. I literally burst out crying at home in the middle of studying physics for no reason at all. Tests, mixed with exams, you dont even know which is important and which isnt anymore. This new policy is shit cuz school didnt do anything/ make life any easier for us. They simply removed a few topics, changed 'mid year exams' to 'common tests', cancel our study breaks and make us continue having lessons after these major papers.

Being mentally tired after an exam, I used to rest for a few hours before I start studying for my next paper again at home. Now this rest time has been converted to having lessons in school. All the way till 4 before we rush home again to study for our next paper the next day. And we do that... over and over again...

They say other schools do the same thing. Yep my brother's school does that. But their abolishment of mid years is really abolishing. They only have one or two topics for every test, whereas we have year 4 + year 3 topics. What's the difference between taking o levels or not now -.-


Maybe it's only me cuz everybody else is coping fine. I'm tired. Sick of studying and all the homework we have to do on top of the studying. I still have 3 fucking topics but I'm sorry, I cant do it anymore. What's the point of studying anyway. I had a B for the mitosis test even after studying for 2 solid days and so fucking hard. (I know it was the average but... what the hell please, a B is a B)

Maybe I was not meant to take triple sciences at all. Maybe I'm so dumb, I shouldnt even be in this school. Tomorrow night.. I still have to cram bio notes. The night after, I still have SCS and math and all the shit. It doesnt ever stop you see!! Oh btw I screwed history. Even if I get an A1, it'd be an extremely low one.

I wished I was like my brother. His exam papers are pretty tough but he gets straight As by playing mousehunt wow -.- Sigh but jiayou I really should think more positively and not give up. 6 more days.. I'm really gunna enjoy myself to the max then :( The first time I'm crying cuz I'm frantic and nothing goes in no matter how hard I try to study rah.




So what if I came clean, and told you all you mean to me, so what if I meant every word I said,
baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name, cause you're always on my brain, in a heart I paint in crimson red,
baby dont let it go to your head
Dont be getting any big ideas, let me make it clear

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, and just cause I think of you in bed,
dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too, too many times, analyse every word you said,
dont let it go to your head, oh oh, don't let it go to your head, oh oh

So what if I want to kiss, from your toes up to your lips, it don't mean that you have me yet,
youre gonna be good out of bed, I'm the one who's in control here, let me make it clear

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, just cause I think of you in bed,
dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too, too many times, analyse,
every word you said, dont let it go to your head, dont let it go to your head, oh oh

Now you think you got me
Well im gonna get you
Now you think you can touch me
Well im gonna let you

Just cause I cant go on, just cause I die when ur gone, just cause I think of you in bed, dont let it go to ur head
Just cause I cant go on
Just cause I die when ur gone
Just cause I think of you in bed, dont let it go to your head, if I dim your eyes, one too,
too many times, analyse every word you said, dont let it go to your head, dont let it go to your head,
dont let it go your head, dont let it go to your head, dont let it go to your head.